Thankfulness

I've been wondering what today was going to feel like...what emotions, thoughts, feelings would I have? Would it be just another day? More memories than usual? Tears?

A year ago today I had the amazing privilege of reading Scripture into the ear of a man who took his last breath on earth and opened his eyes in the midst of the Creator...my dad. I've relived that late night literally countless times over the last year, remembering every sweet and excruciating moment. Honestly, no more meaningful times passed in our relationship for years. Isn't that interesting?

So, what do I feel today? Pondering that very question this morning as I let the dog out, got a cup of coffee, and sat down to look at some Scripture, I realized that what I feel is thankfulness. Read this from Lamentations 3 (msg):

I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,
the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed.
I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—
the feeling of hitting the bottom.
But there's one other thing I remember,
and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:
God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
He's all I've got left.

For the writer of those words in Lamentations it's likely that they were remembering the destruction of their beloved city, Jerusalem. For me, I look back to a year ago and I think of the heart ache and pain associated with watching my dad's short, fruitless battle with cancer. I look back to wondering what we would do without either of us having jobs. What would we do without having a car of our own or a home for our family? Such big questions that weighed so heavily on us.

But, again, looking back I see the clarity and wisdom of the writer(s) of that lament. God's mercy IS new EVERY MORNING. It's something we don't even ask for. It's just there. We wake up and God's love, his infinite, boundless love is there to meet us. I'm overwhelmed with that truth.

I'm thankful today because of the immense peace that overtook the darkness of my dad's death. You would have thought I'd gone into shock that night as I smiled from ear to ear trying to imagine even a trifle of what he must have been experiencing. I was so blessed to have been there with him as he fought through those last couple of months.

I'm thankful that God's love and mercy held us safe when we didn't have a clue what we'd do when we went off salary with our mission organization. We trusted Him and we see now that that was all He required. I'm thankful that He provided a new house, a car, everything we needed. And I'm thankful that I woke up today and felt His love and mercy surrounding me...in the form of His eternal promises and in the form of my family who loves me so much.